Monday, April 27, 2009

It's been a while -

I've been staying busy; trying to sort through the issues alluded to in my last post -- as with anything, I have good days and bad days. Some days, I hardly give it a second thought; other days, like yesterday, I obsess on it for the better part of the day and it totally ruins my mood and everything else that I try to do. B is making efforts, and I appreciate it... I think we'll make it through this - I'm just still processing and dealing with it myself.

Today I went to the Patsy Aiken outlet in Raleigh... I spent almost $300, but I got Baby Girl some really cute outfits, and some stuff for my niece and great-niece, and gifts for WIM babies as well... not too bad overall. I bought Baby Girl her first swim suit - and it is SO darling! I can't wait to go on vacation!!

Work is alright - same ol', same ol'. Yesterday we lost the pathological liar, so that was a relief! Now, if we can just "lose" my nemesis... *sigh*

I still need to post the before and after pics of the pond - and I'll get to it. Recently we've had an algal bloom and you can no longer see the fish or very deep into the pond... it's very aggravating! I just spend nearly $4k and still have a green, opaque pond. I called D (our pond renovator) and she said to "seed" the pond with the bacteria - too bad she didn't tell me that I needed to do that when the pond was first established. I got new plants, too - another water lily, a parrot's feather and a couple of floating ones; I also put some Japanese Trapdoor Snails in there so hopefully all of that will work to clear the pond. Dawn said to give it a week and if it's no better, she'll call the guy at Tramway and find out what I need to do. It's just so frustrating!

Friday, April 10, 2009


Well, it looks like they've let Dr. C off the hook -- and I do understand part of the reasoning here since the primary witness is a known pathological liar.... it wouldn't be "fair" to convict her based on what that one person says. They were supposed to still have a serious talk with her, but who knows if that even came about. At least she has been leaving her stupid husband at home lately. That's something. I still hope, since their baby is due right about the time that her contract expires, that maybe they'll either (1) choose NOT to renew it or (2) let me have her contract and give her mine. We'll see what happens there...

On other fronts, B and I had a serious issue arise and I am still dealing with it, though not as well as I would like; I'm not comfortable getting into the details, but suffice it to say that there was consideration of ending our marriage. I do love him though, and despite what he did, I do believe that he loves me. There have been many tears shed (by both of us) and promises made, he swore that it would never occur again and that he'd make it up to me. I just feel so disappointed in him, lied to, betrayed, duped, etc. I trusted him completely and he violated that... now I find that I am obsessing about the events and causing myself a great deal of additional stress. Perhaps we DO need to seek counseling to deal with it - he offered to go... I need to get through this so I can move on, or we need to go our separate ways - I just can't keep living like this... it's almost like I'm WAITING for him to screw up again, and that's not good for either one of us.

And then there is the issue with the freakin' pond. It's not going so well and I am totally frustrated and pissed off... I'm not a landscaping or pond expert by any means, but I'm currently already in for twice the money that I ideally wanted to spend and we're not nearly there. The issue with the leaking liner was a simple matter of physics and I insisted that the proposed solution would NOT work, but no one wanted to listen to me, so they filled the damned pond and, guess what?? IT STILL LEAKED!! So, there goes another 300 gallons of water that I have to pay for. They already wasted about 700 on the weekend when they filled the pond, discovered the leak and then emptied it. Then another 700 or 800 in, and at least 300 out!! I can't wait to see the next water bill! I think it will look GREAT if it's ever done, but in the mean time, I'm hemorrhaging money and my fish are dying in 50 gallon drums that they have been living in for nearly 2 weeks now. Overall, a most unsatisfying situation. When it's finally done, I'll post the pics - right now, I don't want to think about it too much....

As if I needed MORE to worry about (because you KNOW how I freak out over financial issues), my accountant is estimating that we'll OWE about $12k this year. I have NEVER had to PAY taxes!! But, B did make that money with his company last year and has to pay self-employment taxes on it; and the Army paid $20k on my school loans and then 1099'd me for it so I have to pay self-employment taxes on that (thanks so much, Uncle Sam!!), and then I know I did a little relief work between the time I returned from El Salvador and when I started working full time at AUC, but I didn't think it was enough to generate that much in taxes due!! And this is all with claiming 4 kids and all the medical expenses!! When she gets it figured, I'm going to have to go sit down with her and go over it, because I really need her to explain it to me -- it just doesn't seem possible. She says that we had $168k in income, and I think that's too high - but who knows?? I know what B made last year and just don't think there's any way that I made as much as she seems to think I did, even WITH the $20k from the Army. I'm trying not to panic, but failing miserably... with the taxes due next week - and I don't know where I'm going to get all of that money at this point - then there is a couple thousand that will be due on the pond stuff, and I still have the majority of our summer vacation to pay for - I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage it all. And I am totally stressed over it! Not that stressing helps, but it's the way I am...