Thursday, April 3, 2008

I want to get out of beta hell!!

NCCRM had my sister come in for another beta today; they wanted to check it anyway because last Friday's rise wasn't quite double in 48 hrs, and then with the cramping/bleeding episode... they really wanted another check. Of course, they pissed her off. She got there at 7:45 and was the 2nd person in the office. She waited patiently enough until 8:15 when she asked at the desk if they could check and see how much longer it was going to be... she waited another 10 minutes then went BACK to the desk and told them that she was going to have to leave if they couldn't go ahead and take the sample. The receptionist when to the little window between the front desk and the lab and asked if there was someone available to go ahead and draw M's blood as she needed to leave. The nurse responded, loud enough for my sister to hear, that they were "busy" and that people couldn't come in there with a specific time that they needed to leave; they just needed to sit and wait until they were ready to draw their samples. So, she left... she drew her own blood at the office and brought it back to the lab. I don't understand WHY they (NCCRM) have to be SO awful about so many things... I almost wish that changing clinics were an option, but it's not - we can't afford that at this point.

Anyway, I got the call late afternoon - from both M and the clinic. Her hCG was 3524 and our coordinator told her that was fine and she could just schedule her u/s for the 21st of April. Now, I'm REALLY confused.... with all the repeat betas we had to do with R because the beta didn't double... I really expected them to order at least 1 more since it took a little over 3 days to double , which is much longer than optimal. Maybe they just don't want to deal with my sister any more because she won't play by the rules! LOL

Everyone on SMO is being supportive, telling me that the number is plenty high and that the increase rate is fine... you would think that I would know by now that there isn't much of a "normal" and that the range of "normal" is so variant that the numbers only serve to drive us nuts!! I think one of the WIM's clinic has the right idea... a single beta to show you're pregnant and then the next step is the u/s. Ultimately, that's all that matters - much more than the beta levels.

The WIMs are bugging me to get an earlier u/s, 'cause ours is 2-1/2 weeks away still! While I would love to see the baby now, seeing the sac, or even a heartbeat, right now isn't going to increase the viability of the baby - seeing that at nearly 9 wks gestation is going to be a much better indicator long term... I was doing more research online (stupid, stupid, stupid) and found a site with a bunch of beta information... ok, so most of it only served to make me a little more nervous about the fate of our sesame seed, but I did read one quote that made a lot of sense to me. The OP said that an OB had told her "you can't make a good pregnancy go bad, or a bad pregnancy go good." I am trying to take that to heart - all the betas in the world, or even the u/s, won't ultimately change the outcome... they won't make the embryo stronger, won't increase the chance that it will grow to term. That has already been decided and all we can do it wait.

My biggest fear right now is going to the u/s and seeing an empty sac; I keep reminding myself that our last baby stopped developing at 7w3d and R started with the serious cramping of the m/c about a week later. So, if my sister continues to do well and there is no more spotting or cramping, then we're more likely to have a positive outcome... Again, all we can do it wait.