Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Whew!! We dodged that bullet!

M called the OB and harassed them until she got someone who actually told her that they outsource the Nuchal scans to Carolina Peri - and they gave her the number to the office there. She called them and explained our situation - they agreed that we need to get in there in the next few weeks. They set us up an appointment for the afternoon of May 21st for our testing. I called back and talked to them just to make sure that they would do ALL of the appropriate 1st trimester testing for us, so that problem has been solved. Mere's OB can order the 2nd trimester testing (the quadruple scan) since that's done after 14 weeks... Once we have all of the appropriate information, we can make "an informed decision" (imagine that!) about whether or not to do the amnio at 19-20 weeks. I'm sure that our baby is going to be just fine, but it will be nice to have the reassurance of "normal" testing!!

That was the big excitement for the day, I guess. I had an awful day at work because I was just so danged exhausted... but I survived! It's definitely going to be an early night for me!

Not sure what to do!

So, now I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place! M and I were talking tonight - she got the Doppler and was able to pick up Doodlebops hb yesterday, then the phone rang and she was unable to locate it again afterwards... anyway, we got around to talking about doing an amnio, which she informed me her OB is going to push for because of my age (I already knew this...). Thing is, B and I have already had this discussion and we're both opposed to doing one in the absence of any testing that might indicate that something is wrong. Our "plan" (if you could call it that) was to do the 1st trimester screening tests and, if (and only if) there was something of concern, we would agree to an amnio. Well, for whatever reason, I woke up shortly before midnight again tonight and was WIDE-SLAM AWAKE (why does this only seem to happen on the nights before I have to work??), and it suddenly dawned on me - we don't have an OB appointment until the 2nd trimester! So, since I was awake anyway, I came online and started looking stuff up... the nuchal translucency can be done between 11 and 14 weeks; the last date for the testing is 13w6d and... of course, our first appointment is scheduled for (you guessed it!) 13w6d! So, I emailed M and asked her to call the OBs office and see if she can make them "see the light" here and fit her in so that we have the time to get this testing done. I especially wanted to get the nuchal scan done since it is a screening test for Down's and, given my age, our risk is 1 in 82. I think that we're going to be just fine, but will still feel better having the testing!

On a good note, M isn't bitching and whining about the possibility of an amnio (like I often read about on SMO). As she said tonight, "I've been sticking myself in the ass with a 1-1/2" needle every day for the last 10 weeks, and an amnio CAN'T be any worse than that. Best part is, I won't have to do it; someone ELSE will stick me!" Our biggest concern is the risk of miscarriage after an amnio. I know the risk is small, but... if we're not going to abort anyway, then is it really worth even a small amount of risk?? Published rates vary from .25% to .75%, but I don't know that I'm even willing to accept that small amount, not after what we've been through to get THIS far!!

Gosh, sometimes I just wish I could turn off my brain, kwim?? I'm never going to get back to sleep now!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Last night was R-O-U-G-H, rough!!

My first patient was there last night before I was!! A miniature schnauzer - owner picked him up from the groomer's and he escaped as she tried to put him in her car - ran out into the highway and got smacked by a car... uh, hello!! That's what LEASHES are for!! Anyway, he's completely neurologic, and worsened through the night despite the mannitol, furosemide and dex.... I really think we're talking permanent brain damage here - when I left he was panting/whining continually and he is completely non-responsive unless you really shake him and then he vocalizes louder but he does not *focus* his eyes, kwim?? Lights might be on but no one is home.... Not to mention the dislocated shoulder (which I couldn't reduce because he's not stable enough to anesthetize as deeply as would be needed to reduce it), the fractured fibula (which is no biggie) and the sacro-iliac subluxation... He can't maintain his body temp without the Bair-hugger, and I don't think that's just because of the morphine, though his owners (understandably) would like to attribute his diminished mentation and low body temp to it. They can't wrap their minds around euthanasia at this point - which is fine - so we're going to try to maintain him through the weekend and see if we get any improvement. I'm praying for a miracle for the little guy. I guess stranger things have happened, right??

It was just a crazy night!! I got another HBC a bit later - a big hound with a distal humerus/ulna fracture, a nasty proximal tib/fib fx with fragmentation and compression, along with some fractured metatarsals; this dog needs MAJOR reconstructive surgery, which these owners just aren't going to do. They left the dog with us last night and then were unavailable at any of the phone numbers that they gave us. They only paid for one night, so if we can't get up with them today, I'm guessing that I'll be doing a humane euthanasia tonight when I go back in - I cannot see making that dog suffer through the weekend for nothing... and since they only wanted to leave her one night to stabilize her (and they did THAT reluctantly), they HAVE to come back today. Given that she's in so much pain, we can claim abandonment pretty fast if we can't find them... she's such a pretty girl - but they haven't even bothered to vaccinate her, so what are the chances that they'll go for a very expensive surgery and prolonged recovery?? The first thing out of the wife's mouth when she brought her in was "we were going to get rid of her." That does not bode well for the poor baby!!

Then there was the 6 month old poodle puppy with the broken tibia; it was already broken once and had been pinned in January; the woman's grandson dropped her tonight and broke it AGAIN... there was the fear-biting Great Dane with the laceration to her butt (no biggie - sedated her, clipped and scrubbed it and threw in a few staples), the beagle with the thru-n-thru bite wound to the face (I had to sew up the outside AND the inside of his lip, and then reattach the chunk of gingiva that was torn loose), the dog bite to the ear (the puppy had a 1/2" long laceration and was already going to the regular vet TODAY for vaccines, but his "daddy" wanted the ear stitched up at 3am), the 14yr old dachshund - mean, obese, icteric, ALT/GGT off the scale, urine was dark red in color, not eating, lethargic, HCT of 10% (!!) - she actually collapsed when we went to draw blood!! At least they decided to euthanize her after a couple of hours!! Hmmm... what else did I see?? Oh, yeah - the constipated Lhasa... that dog's "story" changed every 5 minutes, depending on what specific questions I asked the owner - they didn't tell me until AFTER the x-ray that the dog has a history of constipation, that she had seen the dog straining to defecate the day before, AND that the dog hadn't pooped in at least 3 days!! Yet they WONDERED why the dog's belly was hurting?!? Are people seriously this stupid? Yes, they are!! Not to forget the 6wk old German Shepherd puppy with coccidia, roundworms, hookworms and PARVO! I was pleasantly surprised that they opted to leave that little guy, even though they DID opt for the minimal amount of treatment - at least they are doing SOMETHING!! I think that about covers it - I didn't get one single cat in last night... I just now realized that!!

Anyway, I got to "bed" at about 3:30 this morning, but had trouble going to sleep; I slept from about 4 until 6:30, then from 10am until 1pm after I got home this morning. I've got to get a shower now so I can get a few things done before I head BACK to AUC tonight... I think it will take a little getting used to - this switch from day practice to emergency (primarily night) work, but I really enjoy it, so I'll adapt. I just need to get used to being tired! LOL

Friday, April 25, 2008

I'm considering another job change -

Geez, how many is that this year alone?!? LOL Truth be told, I'm just not enjoying working at CCAH this time around; part of it is the hours - I don't WANT to work until 7pm in F'ville when I'm facing an hour ride home at night. The "atmosphere" there has changed also - Dr. J seems tense (the head tech says that he doesn't want to work anymore, but he wants the clinic to make money... so it's a double-edged sword there.) The girls are grumbling, too - head tech is talking about leaving, and that says a lot to me because she's been there a long time and is in a position of responsibility/power, so things must really be bad. I'm getting a little weary of the "suggestions" that I'm receiving regarding my cases - if I'm not doing it exactly the way he would, then he's making changes to my treatment plans, which is SO not cool And, I just don't care for Dr. Whatever-his-last-name-is... Wednesday he had done a pre-op exam for me... he wrote under "Treatment Plan": spay, brush and seal teeth. So, I sent one of the girls up to ask if that had been approved by the owners because it was going to cost extra; he said "no" so then Anke suggested that he write that under "Client Education" instead so as to avoid confusion. So, he decides to come down into surgery and explain this to me... seems that dental care is his "personal crusade" and he LIKES to write it under "Treatment Plan" so that it can be discussed with the owners, but I can "just ignore it" because we don't routinely do that. So, I told him that he's welcome to write up HIS records any way he chooses, but I would prefer if he is examining a dog or cat for something that I will be doing, that he refrains from including services that are NOT to be provided under the heading of "Treatment Plan" - so he AGAIN says that this is the way HE prefers it and then adds... "Are we on the same page here?" My only answer was, "Whatever." He gets on my last ever-loving nerve!

So, anyway, on Wednesday, I called the office manager at AUC and asked if they are still seeking a 2nd FT doctor, which they are. Of course, now that I turned it down originally, Dr. M has expressed interest, though she is currently under contract until July, and she IS just out of school so she's pretty slow at dealing with cases - but office manager doesn't want to be unfair so she said she felt that she needed to check with Dr. M and see what she's thinking - but not to fear, they were definitely interested in having me on board full time and that she was going to make it work! When Dr. S and I talked about it before, he was wanting to do 7 on, 7 off, so we could try to have a life outside of work. So, I also sent an email to M asking if he would consider changing our custody to a 7 on, 7 off schedule like M and B have - that way I could work when the boys are with their dad and be home when they're with us. Hopefully he'll agree... we'll see.

M has her first OB visit on May 27th - we'll actually be in the 2nd tri by that time! I was kind of surprised that they put it off that long, but in truth, it won't matter. As with the 1st u/s, going earlier won't make the pregnancy any more viable, right?? And, as long as all is well on that 1st OB visit, we will be well past the highest risk of miscarriage - risk will be less than 5% at that point - and then we can figure out how to tell the family. I suggested that we wait until early June, after our grandmother's b'day - just in case there's a negative reaction! We definitely don't want to ruin her 90th b'day party!!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Oh! I can breathe again!

Today was our first u/s - M is 8wks 5 days; as I mentioned before, I had this "revelation" last Thursday and had been strangely calm since. Today B and I drove up and took M out to lunch; D came and met us for lunch and that was nice. Apparently today was their 1yr first date anniversary so he brought her white roses and a card (awww.... gag, gag - LOL). We got to NCCRM right at 2pm and in their usual fashion, they were running behind... it was about 2:35 pm when we were finally taken back.

M got ready for the u/s then yelled for us to come in. Dr. M did the u/s today - he put in the weenie wand and I could immediately see the sac - he moved it a bit and said, "there's a little person right there." I could see the baby, but I didn't see the heart beating - last time, with R, the flicker was SO obvious!! In fact, the baby was pretty much this little dot with a huge flicker! I do realize that u/s machines will vary, but, still.... when I didn't immediately see the flicker, I started hyperventilating and was just waiting for Dr. M to say "this is not a viable pregnancy." But, then... like a little miracle -- there it was!! The most beautiful thing that I've seen in a LONG time! I started to cry and said, "That's ALL I wanted to see today... that's it!" M reached out and took my hand and squeezed it as we were watching the u/s screen.



The nurse said, "Can you breathe now?" I said, "Yes, there's a heartbeat, so I can breathe; and there's only one in there, so now he (indicating B) can breathe, too." B then told them that if they had seen more than one, that there were going to be beatings all around - the doctor, the nurse, me, M... The nurse laughed and said that she was inclined to run, Dr. M laughed too and said that he couldn't run so he guessed that he'd just have to fight!

He showed us the umbilical cord (you could see the blood flow through the cord), the yolk sac (which is now smaller than baby's head), the heart beat... you could see the little limb buds (all 4 of 'em) and she did a little "dance" for us while we were watching. It was absolutely beautiful!! We asked him about switching from PIO injections to the vaginal suppositories (at this point, B said, "you guys are going to have to excuse me" and left!! The doc and nurse thought it was hysterical that he didn't want to be present for the "personal" end of the conversation!). M has 2 knots on her left hip/butt area - last week she got tired of them and decided to stick a needle in them; she ended up drawing 2cc of thick, viscous yellow fluid out of one and 1cc out of the other. I was afraid maybe it was an abscess but she said that the stuff was acellular and she was thinking it's just the oil - but then, if that much oil is accumulating like that, what's her absorption like?? Anyway, they were fine with switching her - she only has another month of it to do anyway! AND, she has now been officially released by NCCRM to OB care! Woo hoo!!

I realize that we are not "out of the woods" yet, but we have passed the first big hurdle - 8 weeks!! Next goal - 12 weeks!! Then 15 - and then we have to tell Mom and Dad! B says that's for me and M to do, he wants none of it; he still thinks they're going to flip! Well, no matter what their reaction, what's done is done. It certainly won't be the first time that I've shocked or disappointed them!!

Anyway, today I am thrilled and relieved and happy as I can be. B has dubbed the baby "the Doodle-bops" for whatever reason... 6 more weeks and we can do the IntelliGender test! 10 more weeks and we can have the "big" u/s to verify gender! Then we can really get down to the business of choosing a name!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Okay, so the "weirdest" thing happened today...

I've been worrying on and off about this ultrasound on Monday - I mean, our beta numbers were "okay" but not fabulous and now we've had nothing done for nearly 2 weeks; M did have that episode of bleeding and cramping even though it stopped quickly enough and hasn't recurred. I tell myself that all has to be fine because SURELY if the baby were dead, she would have had SOME signs, right?? I mean, R started cramping really badly about a week after the baby passed last time. Ok, so I'm smart enough to know that's not necessarily the case, otherwise those 2 ladies on SMO wouldn't have been devastated by showing up for "routine" 13 and 15 week exams and finding out that the babies were deceased, sometimes several weeks previously... and one of the WIMs DID tell me that M wouldn't necessarily show any signs if she had miscarried.... I don't know... anyway, I've had periodic stressful times over the last 2 weeks, and when I allowed myself to think about it, I was actually worried sick that we'll see nothing on Monday. Then yesterday, I was driving home from work, and I started to think about the u/s Monday and I got very calm and this "knowledge" just came to me that "everything is fine." And all of a sudden, I felt just fine about the u/s - and now when I think about it, there are no more butterflies, no more nausea.... strange, huh??

B has been up at his brother's house for 3 days, he's coming home tonight... he was up there for meetings about the deal shipping the crabs and the RBI buy-out, etc. Apparently, even though he didn't accomplish the 2 main items that he actually went up there to do, he did get some other things done and he considered the trip a success overall. I guess he's used to this slow pace in the airplane biz, but it would drive me NUTS! I prefer results!! LOL

I've been thinking alot about my business venture again - B was all for it, then all of a sudden decided that I should just "stick to what you know" and keep veterinary medicine as my primary occupation - now he's back to the plan of opening up our own place. Of course, because of the time that has gone by, we're now (realistically) looking at next spring before it would be practical to open, given that winter is just a naturally slow time of year - but that's alright. I've started looking for commercial property again; there seems to be a lot more available right now than there was when we were looking before - maybe that means something?? We'll see...

Friday, April 11, 2008

Wow, I'm just beat!

I've been working for M for the last 3 days - her kids are tracked out and she took them up to Boone/Blowing Rock for a mini-vacation. I had to leave at 7:30 to get to her clinic by 9 (damn Cary traffic!!); her girls are great so it wasn't the work that was difficult - but long days and long drives always do me in!!

I saw some interesting cases... managed an 18yr old cat in CRF, had a chihuahua vomiting up strange substances and having subsequent anorexia/ileus, did a 2+ hour cystotomy today (spiculated stones were lodged in the urethra and were very difficult to retropulse for removal!! - and this in a dog that had already had a PU!!), and then I had to put down one of her clients this afternoon - a 14yr old German Shepherd... really sweet dog, and I generally don't like the shepherds - of course, she was really sick when I "met" her and that may be a lot of the reason she was so sweet. Anyway, she came in yesterday, hadn't eaten in a WEEK! Okay, I know the owner's love her and all, but really, who waits until the old dog has gone an entire week without eating before you even begin to wonder if something is wrong?? Anyway, that notwithstanding, we sent out blood work and he took the dog home pending results - her PE was really unremarkable except for the fact that she was very thin - but then again, she WAS 14 years old! Anyway, the blood work and urinalysis were totally unremarkable - amylase was a little elevated, but lipase was down, she was mildly anemic (hct of 26), some Howell-Jolly bodies (hadn't actually seen that in a patient before and couldn't remember from clin path so we had to look up the significance) with an elevated white count (15.5k), nothing else worth noting, really... her owner called back right at 9am today to say that she had gone out to pee this morning and there was a thick yellowy discharge from her vulva; the dog then came inside and collapsed. The owner reported that she ate last night and they were thinking that they had brought her in to me for nothing... but today she was shaky and weak - so they brought her back. Today she was much paler than yesterday and her abdomen seemed a bit inflated compared to yesterday, and it was definitely "doughy". Given that one of the primary causes of Howell-Jolly bodies is "hyposplenism" - and this dog had NOT had a splenectomy recently... my biggest concern is that she had splenic masses and has had a bleed. So, we recheck her PCV and today it's less than 14!! Oh, yeah... that's a problem! Jeanne called the radiologist and he showed up about an hour later to do an "emergency" u/s... the abdomen was full of echogenic fluid (most likely blood), he found a 10cm mass in the spleen with very little normal splenic tissue and containing multiple fluid filled cavities; similar lesions in the liver. Primary differential - hemangiosarcoma with mets to the liver. During the u/s, the owner turned to me and said, "you were dead on." Yeah, well sometimes it sucks to be right!! No treatment, no hope, really... the owner took the dog home so the family could say "good-bye" - they were back at 5pm and we put her to sleep in the back of the van. Poor girl - I just wish they hadn't waited so long to try to find out what was wrong with her. Brought back flashes of the splenic issues with Saphira, too, and that hurt my heart!

There's really nothing else going on... I'm off for the weekend and hope to get some things done; I'd like to do some work outside, but it's supposed to be cold with thunderstorms... figures, huh?? It was absolutely beautiful today!! Sunny with a high of 83!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

A new "home"??

B and I went to church this morning. He said that Grace is like the church he used to go to in New Mexico. I really enjoy going, more than I've enjoyed church in a long time. It doesn't hurt that the boys like it, too... Middle Child even tried to talk his dad into giving it a try (fat chance there)!! At any rate, I think it will be good for all of us. In May, I'm going to join a group called "Get Connected" (hopefully B will come along, too) which is a 10 week long program that gives an introduction to Grace, the pastors and elders, their founding belief system, etc. It's a requirement for anyone who wants to officially become a member of Grace and a good way to determine if it's the right church for us long term. If all goes well with that, then I think that we'll become members. I really want to get involved in church again... but the hypocrisy of the Catholic church (M is STILL teaching CCD despite what that two-faced twit Ms. K told me...) really turned me off of religion for a while. It's not Christianity that I object to, though - it's Catholicism. How can any church so profoundly LACK fellowship?? I guess that the Catholic Church's preoccupation with MONEY gets in the way!! I found out today that the founding pastor of Grace was raised a Catholic - that was where he first encountered the Holy Spirit, though he also obviously left Catholicism. Seems like he is striving to make Grace all that the Catholic church is NOT - there's even a statement in the front of the bulletin urging guests/visitors not to feel obligated to participate in the offering as this is for members to contribute to their church and community. Hmmm.......

Today B mentioned that we might want to start looking for foreclosures. The foreclosure rate is at an all time high right now, and we may be able to luck into a great deal if we're in the right place at the right time... After J died, his house sold for less than $105k with an appraisal value of about $175k. Can't beat that with a stick. If we can find a good deal, then we may look at leasing our house, hopefully with the option to purchase - that would be ideal. We need a bigger place!!

On another front, our u/s is 2 wks from tomorrow!! I am going to be so sick on the 21st!! My biggest fear, and it's overwhelming at times, is that we will go in there and NOT see a heartbeat!! There's nothing that I can do, of course, to change whatever happens... I just pray that all will be well - that's all I can do. I still feel good about this pregnancy - no worries or anxieties, for the most part. That's got to mean something, right??

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I want to get out of beta hell!!

NCCRM had my sister come in for another beta today; they wanted to check it anyway because last Friday's rise wasn't quite double in 48 hrs, and then with the cramping/bleeding episode... they really wanted another check. Of course, they pissed her off. She got there at 7:45 and was the 2nd person in the office. She waited patiently enough until 8:15 when she asked at the desk if they could check and see how much longer it was going to be... she waited another 10 minutes then went BACK to the desk and told them that she was going to have to leave if they couldn't go ahead and take the sample. The receptionist when to the little window between the front desk and the lab and asked if there was someone available to go ahead and draw M's blood as she needed to leave. The nurse responded, loud enough for my sister to hear, that they were "busy" and that people couldn't come in there with a specific time that they needed to leave; they just needed to sit and wait until they were ready to draw their samples. So, she left... she drew her own blood at the office and brought it back to the lab. I don't understand WHY they (NCCRM) have to be SO awful about so many things... I almost wish that changing clinics were an option, but it's not - we can't afford that at this point.

Anyway, I got the call late afternoon - from both M and the clinic. Her hCG was 3524 and our coordinator told her that was fine and she could just schedule her u/s for the 21st of April. Now, I'm REALLY confused.... with all the repeat betas we had to do with R because the beta didn't double... I really expected them to order at least 1 more since it took a little over 3 days to double , which is much longer than optimal. Maybe they just don't want to deal with my sister any more because she won't play by the rules! LOL

Everyone on SMO is being supportive, telling me that the number is plenty high and that the increase rate is fine... you would think that I would know by now that there isn't much of a "normal" and that the range of "normal" is so variant that the numbers only serve to drive us nuts!! I think one of the WIM's clinic has the right idea... a single beta to show you're pregnant and then the next step is the u/s. Ultimately, that's all that matters - much more than the beta levels.

The WIMs are bugging me to get an earlier u/s, 'cause ours is 2-1/2 weeks away still! While I would love to see the baby now, seeing the sac, or even a heartbeat, right now isn't going to increase the viability of the baby - seeing that at nearly 9 wks gestation is going to be a much better indicator long term... I was doing more research online (stupid, stupid, stupid) and found a site with a bunch of beta information... ok, so most of it only served to make me a little more nervous about the fate of our sesame seed, but I did read one quote that made a lot of sense to me. The OP said that an OB had told her "you can't make a good pregnancy go bad, or a bad pregnancy go good." I am trying to take that to heart - all the betas in the world, or even the u/s, won't ultimately change the outcome... they won't make the embryo stronger, won't increase the chance that it will grow to term. That has already been decided and all we can do it wait.

My biggest fear right now is going to the u/s and seeing an empty sac; I keep reminding myself that our last baby stopped developing at 7w3d and R started with the serious cramping of the m/c about a week later. So, if my sister continues to do well and there is no more spotting or cramping, then we're more likely to have a positive outcome... Again, all we can do it wait.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I actually worked overnight last night

It was tough because it was something that I'm not used to. I got finished up with the last client at about 2am and went to bed.... of course, I couldn't really fall asleep and dozed here and there at best. At 5am, I gave up and got up; I finished up my records and decided that going back to bed just wasn't worth it as I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep anyway. I got off work about 9 because of a critical case that was last to discharge, and headed home. I really do enjoy working at AUC and will definitely continue to pick up shifts here, but I just don't know how people work nights on a regular basis... I just can't make the switch. I feel like I had NO time today to do anything because I didn't get home until nearly 11am and had to be back here at 6pm for tonight's shift, and I had to sleep and shower somewhere there in between. I suppose if I did it on a regular basis, I would adjust/adapt/whatever. And, if I worked here full time, I would only have to pull 3 shifts/week to make my requirement - right now I'm working 5-7 days/week which I think is what makes it seem like I never have any time off.... wait a minute - I DON'T have any time off... LOL

Anyway, I got home and took a short nap (just under 2 hrs), then Bill and I went to lunch. I got a message from my sister saying that she had been having some mild cramping and some light spotting; she wasn't sure what to do so she had put in a call to NCCRM, drank a bunch of water and lay down. They had called her back with "I hope everything's ok; come in tomorrow for bloodwork." I asked her if they had mentioned SCH to her... nope... she had no idea what that was. So, I had to explain it. Glad that I've paid NCCRM so damn much money over the last 15 months - given the relatively high occurrence of SCHs in IVF pregnancies, and that spotting often accompanies that... you would THINK that they might have mentioned that! Well, as Mere said, it's completely beyond anything that WE can do at this point, so she was planning on taking it really easy, drinking lots of water and seeing what tomorrow's bloodwork looks like.

I feel like I should be sad; I feel like I should be panicking that we're losing another baby... but I'm not. And, I'm not completely sure why - but I DO know that if R were still our surro, she would be an emotional basketcase which would help neither MY emotional status nor the baby's health. I am SO glad that my sister is so practical!! I can be annoying at times, but in things like this - well, let's just say that it has been a Godsend!! This was BY FAR the easiest 2ww I've ever gone through (not that I'm all that experienced, but it was my third time). Anyway, I've spent the evening thinking and visualizing and praying. I know that I could be totally off base, but I just **feel** that things are going to be alright.