Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The official ending

R drove up to Cary for her final ultrasound with this pregnancy. Nothing had changed except Dr M thought that the gestational sac is a bit smaller than it was last week. No cardiac activity seen. R was told to stop her medications and see her OB about what to do next. She's been taking this real hard - sometimes I think that she's had a harder time dealing with the loss than we have and it's OUR baby. But, perhaps that's the problem... SHE lost OUR baby and she feels responsible. We all KNOW it's the genetics that caused this, but she still felt a responsibility to nurture this child and deliver her to us, healthy and happy at the end of the 9 months. Well, hopefully next time...

She called her OB's office to get an appointment and the receptionist told her that they could see her in August!! AS IF... She said, "did you understand what I just told you about what's going on?" End result, she's going in on Thursday for a consult and they'll decide where to go from there. She doesn't want to just wait around for this to pass on it's own - she'd rather go ahead and have the D&E, get it over with and move on. We all know that she has to go through a complete miscarriage, then have a "normal" period the next month, before we can cycle again. She just wants to get this failed attempt behind us - and so do we.

I'm still on the DHEA and guess that I'll stay on it until after the 2nd retrieval. I've also got to get back to my candle meditation. There's a part of me that feels like the pregnancy failed because I got lazy and stopped the meditations. First, healing thoughts for R and the process she's about to go through. Then, fertile thoughts for my lazy ovaries so we can get lots of eggies. Finally, pregnancy vibes with the phases of the moon. Dedication, commitment, persistence, belief - it's going to take them all to get this done.

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